Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
