Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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