No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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