i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
