would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
