She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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