My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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