its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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