did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
