and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
