This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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