one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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