Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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