he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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