sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
