every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
