You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You took a bar mat shot.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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