im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
