what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
