either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you win again, gameday.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
