i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
