there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
