I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
