I wanna bring you to show and tell
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You left your phone here
Wait...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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