Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
