If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
