I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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