She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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