she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
