very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
