She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
