In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
