1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
