When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
