hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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