can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he was CRYING into my vagina
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
