and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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