i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
