I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
