a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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