I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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