Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
