if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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