I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
