there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
