it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
