Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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