last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
