She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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