His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
