Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
