this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
