You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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