Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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