u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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