Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
