brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
