I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i've created a new STD.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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