I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
