A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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